My hopes for survivors of intimate partner violence in 2022
My hopes for victims and survivors of intimate partner violence in 2022
While official reports for the number of homicides attributed to domestic violence in 2021 are trickling in, the headlines across the country report an increase in murders with few exceptions. With cis and trans women still dying at an alarming rate at the hands of cis men, I want to be hopeful. Here are my hopes for survivors of intimate partner violence and our communities as a whole.
A broader understanding of what entails intimate partner violence
We have normalized behaviors in relationships that could be considered yellow or red flags. The acts of perpetrators of intimate partner violence are seen by many as acts of affection, caring, or love; when they are early signs of coercion, control, manipulation, and intimidation.
Often, acceptance of suspicious behaviors and acts are normalized by our culture. That can be to the detriment of the person experiencing the abuse. These acts are sinister because they can be the prelude to verbal, emotional, mental, financial, and physical abuse. It’s what many call “love bombing.”
More programs for perpetrators
Recently, I watched the documentary “The Perfect Victim,” about several women who were in prison for murdering or having their husbands murdered after years of severe abuse. The documentary spoke with the Missouri Battered Women’s Clemency Coalition members on the battle they faced. One member stated:
“The first question that most people ask is ‘why didn’t she leave?’ And that’s the wrong question. We want to know what’s wrong with her. When the question is, ‘why is he still beating her?’ You think she’s a lousy wife; you don’t like her cooking. Why don’t you leave?”
They are correct. We must place the onus on the perpetrator of the violence. One of the ways this can occur is by providing resources for them to learn that what they are doing is wrong and why and how to change. The challenge is that very few programs are geared towards perpetrators of domestic violence, and even fewer are mandatory. Since domestic violence is a learned behavior, abusive behaviors need to be replaced with healthier ones.
Less law enforcement involvement, more community, transformative, and restorative justice programs.
The laws in place for abuse victims don’t often protect the most vulnerable. My hope is for more transformative, restorative, and community-led programs. These programs are necessary to protect victims and the community.
More training for law enforcement, employers, and judges.
Yes, this is a contradiction of the previous point. We do need less law enforcement involvement in domestic violence cases. However, until we have the necessary community resources to protect victims, law enforcement training must include the appropriate ways to respond to issues of intimate partner and gender-based violence. Employers should take domestic violence seriously as it impacts every employee and the organization as a whole. And, you would not believe some of the horror stories I hear from victims when trying to obtain a protective order from a judge or magistrate.
Acknowledge that domestic violence is a barrier to Black liberation.
Domestic violence is about power and control, and it comes in different forms, such as emotional, mental, verbal, and physical abuse, to name a few. We can’t want the liberation of Black folks if we are not willing to address how we uphold and accept violence in our communities. We are told that certain behaviors are acceptable or even a part of our culture. No! In 2022, we are doing away with this nonsense. It is dangerous to everyone and, notably, the most vulnerable in our community.
Ask survivors what safety looks like for them.
Sometimes, as advocates, we think we know what’s best for survivors and how to keep them safe. But if we take a moment to ask questions and listen, our ideas of safety can be starkly different from what they need. Maybe placing the abuser in prison isn’t safe; perhaps it’s getting the victim to a family member in another state. Let’s take a moment to ask them what safety looks like and their ideas on how we can accomplish it.
Eliminating the gender wage gap.
Ninety-four to Ninety-nine percent of relationships involving abuse also include some form of financial and economic abuse. I previously spoke about addressing the gender wage gap to end domestic violence. Of course, this one act alone won’t end intimate partner violence. However, if Black women earn sixty-two cents for every dollar a white man makes, how can we effectively remove ourselves from abusive relationships? How can we care for ourselves and our children if we can barely make ends meet? We live in a capitalist society; therefore, the more money we make, the better we can live a safe, violent-free life.
Protection for Black trans folx.
Fifty-four percent of transgender and non-binary folks experienced intimate partner violence in their lifetimes. Nineteen percent of the Black LGBTQIA+ community have experienced physical dating violence. The laws to protect the LGBTQIA+ community leave too much room for interpretation and bias. We all need to take the opportunity to learn more about what is required to protect our most vulnerable. Here’s a start.
The points I make are by no means the full spectrum of needs of those experiencing domestic violence. I want us to take something from this, learn more, shift our thinking, address our biases, listen to survivors, and take action. To truly end intimate partner violence, we must take a multi-pronged approach. No one organization, agency, policy, law, advocate, activist, or program will do the work of eliminating intimate partner violence. Oppression, subjugation, power, and control are built in our entire existence. It is why white supremacy thrives, and for me, domestic violence is just another symptom of it. Domestic violence impacts every aspect of our lives, including victims, children, perpetrators, workplaces, the economy, and the community. I hope that we don’t let violence win!
